Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentleman,
There has long been threats of Designated Players in the Revolution organization but up until this point there has not been a system to accurately warn and inform people of the impending threat of a Designated Player actually being signed. Today The Drug Is Football blog has solved the DP information dissemination problem with our new color coded threat level system. We are rolling out this new system at Level-GUARDED.
Here is how the level system works:
- LOW-DP=Draft Pick
- Have no fear there are no Designated Players on the horizon, will continue to build our team through inexperienced draft picks who can make little impact in the top flight league.
- GUARDED-Season Ticket Renewal Crunch
- The Revolution Organization has launched an attack aimed at renewing season tickets, they may state intent to sign a DP or that they are looking for the right player.
- ELEVATED-Legitimate Media has names of possible DPs
- This means someone other than MLS Rumors is reporting that the Revolution Organization may be close to signing a DP.
- HIGH-Mike Burns has found the "right player"
- The Revolution Organization has announced a target and their intent to sign that target.
- SEVERE-Holy shit they actually did it.
- This means that a DP has actually been signed. People should not feel the need to be prepared for this level, however if it happens please familiarize yourself with the signs of shock, respiratory distress and heart attack. You should know the number of your local emergency service provider and call them, but do not under any circumstances tell them that the Revolution signed a DP. They will not know what you are talking about, they will not know that New England possess a professional soccer team and you will most likely be institutionalized.